Asking Sunshine: Feeling Pushed Away

Asking Sunshine!

What’s up Sunshine?

I think my best guy friend is pushing me away. I have constantly been in his corner, taking care of him when things are bad and if he needs. He calls me negative because I complain about some of his bad choices (which have been really bad choices) and that I am not giving him a chance. So lately he has been avoiding my calls, especially when he’s with one of those bad choices (new boyfriend). I did let him know that he hurt my feelings and since I have not heard back from him. This is breaking my heart because we have been friends forever. I am heartbroken. Should I just back off or what? What do you think?

Dear Feeling Pushed Away,

I’m sorry to hear that you and your friend are at a shaky stage in your relationship. I hope that I can offer some guidance. It is never easy when a close friend just doesn’t return your messages and avoids you; it’s a clear sign that something is going on. At this stage, my first advice is to be careful not to send a message of anger. No need to create a fight where it may just be an issue of your friend needing space.

Honestly, it sounds to like your friend is trying to work out things for himself. Ask yourself is that the worst thing in the world. Now, I must admit his method of communication leaves a lot to be desired; however, he does have the right to his choice. I think that to be supportive we sometimes have to state how we feel and let our friends decide what is best for them. Once they make a choice, our job is to support without being “negative” and constantly reoffering our opinion. The fact that you expressed your hurt from his behavior and he continues means he may need the space. I know this may not be what you want to hear but consider giving it to him. If and when he is ready to recommit to your friendship, you have to determine if that is something you are willing to take part in.

Lastly, if you and your friend decide to address the problem, believe me you can get through it. Check out my post on rebuilding trust in friends. Remember you can work through it.

Are you torn, unsure what to do next let Sunshine offer you some advice on addressing the maintenance and improvement of interpersonal skills, relationships (intimate, friendship and more). You can direct your questions to sharea@radiantsunshine.org , please put “Asking Sunshine” in the subject line or if you are interested in being anonymous to me as well, you can submit your question to http://qooh.me/AskSunshine