When it seems that you just can’t do it

There is Always Hope

Over life we have a list of areas that we would like to change and in many cases we try so many things to improve; yet nothing prevails.  Maybe you’ve been trying to get fit, improve your interpersonal skills change your career, save money, get organized or any list of meaningful self-improvements.   This unhealthy pattern becomes heart wrenching and darn right frustrating.  You wonder why even with your best intention; you just can’t get the result you want out of life?  There is the real chance that you are self-sabotaging and unaware of how this affects your self-improvement.

Things That May be Holding You Back and the Options that May Help Change it

The Fear of Failure.  When most of us think of change we start to doubt our abilities and believe we can’t do it.  We begin to be uncertain and think of all the things that can go wrong or prevent that change.  Yes it is important to predict and plan for barriers and/or obstacles, but it’s not helpful to get frozen or stuck thinking about them.

Common fears:

• Being embarrassed that you can’t complete a change
• That you will disappoint yourself or others
• The lack of knowledge or mastery of an area (unknown or unfamiliar)
• Fear of staying the same (having no real change)

A Way Out of Fear:

• Take the risk.  Set a goal.  Make real steps and complete them.  Seems simple right but it’s not for everyone.  Begin with the easiest step to help build your confidence.  If by chance you do fail, you learn that you can handle failure and try again.  Life allows you to learn from your experiences.

Perfectionism!  Talk about pressure.  Believing that you have to be perfect to take on a project can stop you in your tracks.  No one feels relaxed or at ease when they believe they have to be perfect.  Knowing that things will not be perfect can paralyze you and/or destroy your confidence because you will never feel “good” enough.

Moving Past Perfectionism:

• This will sound weird to my perfectionist.  But I want you to actual do a task imperfectly (90% of your normal) but still complete.  You will see that being completed at your 90% did not cause the task to be fully disappointing or totally fall apart.  What I want you to acknowledge here is that no major negative consequences result from your less than perfect effort. 

Unable to Stay Motivated!  When we start a self-improvement project we go full steam ahead with loads of energy.  But that energy quickly fades, without an understanding of when or why it faded.   We tend to be confused as to what truly motivates us; it’s easy to think of things like salary and work conditions as motivator for us to do better jobs.  But believe it or not, there has been research that argues that achievements, recognition, advancement, responsibility, and growth are tools of motivation.

Sustained Self Motivation:

• Take some tips from the younger people in your life.  Children look for positive feedback from their environment (parents, teacher, peers, etc).  They create what can be defined as an internalized system of reward.  The tip is to increase your self-motivation; to create or improve your self-motivation simply develop it by acknowledging and celebrating (rewards), worthy actions that you have taken toward your self-improvement project. 

Join us next week for more Self-Improvement Made Easy as we discuss Soothing the Internal Worry Turbulence