Asking Sunshine: The Friend Zone!

Asking Sunshine!

Hi Sunshine,

I have been really close with a female for the last 3 years and she didn’t know I liked her a lot.  I decided to tell her recently and she told me she wants to stay friends.  I know that I am her type of guy; we enjoy the same things, I can make her laugh and when she is upset or hurting I’m the one there.  When she is talking about her life, dreams and the type of man she wants, I know I can be her man and help support those dreams.  What should I do now?  How do I stay out the friend zone?

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Google Image

Dear In the Friend Zone,

I am sorry to hear you took a risk and it didn’t pay off.  I know right now it may hurt, feel a little embarrassing, but please know that you did the right thing.  You were honest.  I can’t tell you how many men and women have been where you are and never said a word and for that, I salute you.   I know that was far from why you asked me the questions, but I had to give you credit for the risk you took.  I know that her response has you feeling less than satisfied, confused and even heartbroken, but based on the level of attention you show her, this may be her loss. What next?

The truth is that she is being honest too and at this stage in her life only sees you as a friend.  I know it may be hard to hear but you have to decide what you can handle in terms of a relationship with this female.  I would say consider taking a break for a while, weeks or even a month. I mean completely take a break.  Give yourself time to ponder how, and if, you can have a new relationship with your friend.

Your goal should be one of two things.

1.  To reset your interaction with her; keep it clear that you are catching up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while.

2.  Letting go and moving on.  Both are extremely tough and can only be decided by what your heart can handle.

Quick Tips to Stay Out of the Friend Zone Next Time

  • Be straightforward.  When you are into someone, timing is everything if you want more than a platonic relationship.  Be too timid, slow and you will find yourself in the friend zone in no time.  Take advantage of the chemistry that is formed in early stages of relationships; to put it plain, step up when you feel it.
  • Don’t be too restrained.  By restrained I mean don’t be timid, shy and subtle.  If you know that you like the person, flirt.  Learn to give enough attention where the seed of “we could be more” is being planted.  I’m not saying go straight into asking them out, but give them some hint that you dig them more than just as friends.  Again, I say learn to FLIRT.
  •  This is going to sound weird, but don’t be so emotionally available or time consumed with “being there” for the person.  Be kind and invest reasonable time with getting to know them, but don’t become someone they just want to hang out with.   That is what friends are for and our goal is to stay out of the “friend zone” right?

 

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Google Image

ASKING SUNSHINE

Are you torn, unsure what to do next let Sunshine offer you some advice on addressing the maintenance and improvement of interpersonal skills, relationships (intimate, friendship and more). You can direct your questions to sharea@radiantsunshine.org , please put “Asking Sunshine” in the subject line or if you are interested in being anonymous to me as well, you can submit your question to http://qooh.me/AskSunshine
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