I was thinking the other day about decisions we make in our life. Some of us live out our life on television allowing everyone in on their process toward a big decision. I mean last summer most of the world watched as LeBron James played out his “Decision.” Yet to me, decisions are personal. We go back and forth weighing the pros and cons in our mind and then in most cases we decide. This brings me to a decision that I believe women experience in some way or another, “Will I have children?”
Yes believe it or not, it is a decision to bring children into this world and to me, an even bigger decision to be a mother. Yes those are two different things (but I’ll save that topic for another soapbox). Sadly, not all women will experience this decision in the same way. Some women who want children will be told that they are not able to have them; forcing them to look at motherhood and life differently. Others will be forced into carrying a child they possibly never wanted or needed; also forcing them to look at motherhood and life differently. Motherhood is a blessing in my eyes and it should be done by those that really desire it and have the nurturing skills to do it correctly. Regardless of a woman’s choice in this decision of motherhood or not: those who are capable of having children and chose not to will feel the wrath of the society’s view that “all women want children.”
But in life there is always the exception to the rule. This July I will be turning 33 years old. I have been blessed with a fulfilling life. God has given me a strong heart to love and even stronger passion to serve my community. So in some element of my life, I always end up being in the role of mother, even when I would just like to take a back seat. I love my life; I feel like in most areas I am doing what I was born to do. However, somehow society has decided for me that I can’t be happy simply because I will be a 33 year old woman without children. Although this may be hard for some to believe, it was my decision not to have children.
So to all those that say:
- All women want children… “I don’t”
- When you meet the one that choice will change…. “Well I’ve met him and he understands and respects my decision not to have children.”
- You will change your mind when you get older…. “I’m older now and I still feel the same.”
- You should have them because you’re capable… “I would rather have them if my heart desired and not just because my body is capable.”
- Don’t you feel like less than a woman… I am very much a woman.
- You will regret it when you can’t have children any longer. “I’m secure enough in the maturity of how and why I made my decision to live with it.”
So for those who don’t believe; I have not dreamed of how my baby’s face would look or how it would feel to have a child grow inside of me. It just was not an interest of mine. Yet I am still and very much a woman. I suspect that I am not the only woman alive that feels this way. In fact, I know I am not. So when I made the decision to not have children, unlike Lebron James, it didn’t have me changing jobs, my personality or my life. I stand by my decision. “I don’t desire to have children.”