Love Letter I

I stumbled through the incomplete letters

I wrote you over time.

I could never explain or put my thoughts into words,

the way leaving you made me feel.

After you, I was lost and no love seemed real.

Since my fear

led me to believe that I had lost you.

I wanted to start off small.

So the thought came to me:

I should start by completing a letter

for the first time.

Because in the past

tears would stop me

Only making more time pass.

Let me start by saying it is amazing

how your love letter to this day

is all I need to feed my soul.

But what was I doing desiring you back?

I was the one who left you.

Here I am pleading for you to let me return.

Please take me back!

I tried so hard to replace you.

Once I left you

I figured

I could live my life on my own.

But still I stood there

longing

for that feeling

that only you could give.

Disappointed

by those who claimed they loved me

I learned how to take

each disappointment with stride.

Just adding each one up to all my reasons why.

Why I would never give my heart away?

Why I would never trust again?

Why if I fall in love there would be rules

 from beginning to end?

So I set patient

trying to have love like the one I left.

But there was no substitution,

only loss.

Replacing you with men

who knew nothing

about how I was falling apart.

They tried,

But could only touch pieces

of my broken heart.

Not one of them knew

how to value my spirit or soul.

They didn’t understand my start.

Please forgive me.

I’m exhausted and need to come home.