Asking Sunshine…Dating Preference: No Kids

Asking Sunshine

Hey Sunshine,

A co-worker recently set me up with their friend through Facebook.  However, once I looked through his photo albums, I noticed that he has a small child.  I don’t date men with children (too many horror stories) and I’m just not trying to take those issues on.

I have two questions:

1. Am I wrong for not wanting to date a man with children?

2. How do I word this gently without hurting the feelings of my co-worker and his friend?

Dear Dating Preference: No Kids

OK, let me start by saying that everyone is allowed to have preferences; who we date, and ultimately love, is about what we decide we will or will not accept. If it is your choice to not date someone with kids, then be OK with just that. I recently had a discussion with a male friend where we talked about what he wanted in a partner; he had a long list of requirements and ended the list saying, “yes, and no kids.”  I thought about how long my friend has been single and how many women he may be disqualifying merely due to different life choices.  At the same time, I thought about how he was able to clearly articulate why he would not date a woman with kids. It really comes down to a choice.

How do you gently break it to someone that you don’t want to date because they have kids???

While it is never easy to let a person down, in this case you have to be truthful, especially since it doesn’t sound like you have gone out on many dates if any.  You have to be honest and let him know at this stage, you aren’t capable of dating someone with young children. Your previous experiences with similar situations will not allow the relationship to progress and though he is a great guy, the two of you can’t go any further.

As far as your co-worker is concerned, simply let him know what you think, tell him his friend is a great guy, but you really don’t want to start something that you know can’t get serious because he has kids. Hopefully there will be no real fallout from either, because the truth is the truth.

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Are you torn, unsure what to do next let Sunshine offer you some advice on addressing the maintenance and improvement of interpersonal skills, relationships (intimate, friendship and more). You can direct your questions to , please put “Asking Sunshine” in the subject line or if you are interested in being anonymous to me as well, you can submit your question to

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