A Single Woman’s Divorce

I hold on for dear life

as if your touch was that of my husband

The treatment of girlfriends

are different than wives.

 

Words that ring out the story of commitment

“I’m not going anywhere.”

But I can’t tell you;

What if anything would keep you here.

I lay alone in my tears.

Challenged

by my past.

Claiming to myself

“I will not play this role again.”

I rollover to the spot

where you once laid your head;

These tears

don’t make this our place.

I tell myself

“I am not your wife.”

Just because you shared my bed.

Even now looking around the room

there are reminders of you.

I have been picturing life without an “us.”

 

The whole time this one thought

continues in my mind:

“I am not your wife.”

Still I can’t help but wonder

what happened to the promise;

“I am not going anywhere”

And after counting each tile in the ceiling

because

I’m left in despair

I remember this feeling;

I have been here.

Unfortunately,

you are no different

then all those before.

I cannot blame others

for what I know I allowed.

So here is my prayer Father

as a single woman needing a divorce:

Divorce me from the lies

I believed about being the only one

Or times I doubted myself,

Because I had no idea what made him run.

A divorce that will free me from every man

I’ve ever shared

my love, body, spirit

or soul with;

Even when there was no sign

of a commitment

or reason to hold on.

Let this single woman’s divorce

be that simple

So that I can be released

from all shame, guilt

and low self- esteem

And have the power

to recognize it the next time

I see myself going down this road.

I REMEMBER:

“I am not his wife and just leave”.